Love of a Thorn

I only like you when you're not around.
I only like you when we're apart.
When you're only a version of yourself in my mind.
In the hours and the days and the months
     we spent together.
Incessantly by each other's side.

All that time, that one whole year I'll never get back.
Oh how I hated everything that you put me through.
Selfish and whiny and immature, you thought I loved you.
In truth, I pitied you.
That's the only reason I stuck by you.

Because being your lover made me SO MUCH BETTER
     in other people's eyes.
Because being your friend made me feel like I was
     a much better person than who I really am.
Noone else wanted to take care of you and offer you
     endless support and understanding.
Noone else wanted to banish all your insecurities
     and fears.

I PITIED you.

It was pathetic. The way you clung to me.
Calling me your world,
Saying that noone understood you better.

So... DELUDED.

Never depend on solely one person for your happiness.
How could you not know that by now?

I resented you, plain and simple.
The way you expected everything to be about
     YOU, YOU, YOU.
The way your fantasies and standards and ideals
     in life and love were based after some pre-teen
     chick flick.

So. Utterly. Naive.

It was annoying.
All your puerile little quirks and oddities that you
     thought made you SO special.
It was frustrating.
The way I always had to be the one
     that would listen and try to care.
Try to be interested.
You never let me be me.

I was always Prince Charming.
The Knight-in-Shining-Armour.
The Perfect-High-School-Heartthrob-that-fell-for-
     the-unpopular-but-nicest-girl-in-the-world.
And you were the one that had the audacity to cry
     and be hurt whenever I fell short of your
     Disney movie expectations.

So many times I wanted to lose it and dump you.
Tell you about every knife and ice pick you thrust into
     my heart, into my gut.

But you never thought I could feel like that.
In your world, you were the one with all the pain,
     all the sacrifices.
And I was the one who saved the day.

I hated that about you.

So many times, I wanted to leave you
     so you could truly know the meaning
     of pain and loss and the weight of being alone.

But I never did.

You had so many tears, so many problems,
     so many nightmares.
How could I leave you?
I was the thorns to your rose.
You would've never survived on your own.

I couldn't leave.